Pulling up out side the wrought iron driveway gates, I checked the address. Yea! I had found it and hadn't gotten lost once. A major accomplishment as generally speaking, I am a person that can't even follow a straight line without a GPS! Glancing in the rear view mirror I re-applied my lipstick (a subtle shade of 'ruby red') and pushed my hands through my new 'spiky' short haircut. Exiting the car, I made my way up the gravel pathway to the entrance spending the next five minutes or so, struggling with the most hideous oak wood doors that seemed determined to keep me out. However, I was unswerving in my determination, and eventually emerged the 'victor' stumbling into the vestibule, looking like I had just gone ten rounds with a 350lb wrestler (perspiration adding a glistening glow to my face and an all but waterfall, descending down my back yuk!) Taking a tissue out of my bag, I dabbed at the beads of perspiration on my forehead while my eyes adapted to the dusky dimness within.
Poor 'Jack', I had seen him only a couple of weeks ago looking the picture of health. Actually in the best shape I had seen him for a long time. He had told me that it was all down to some 'New Age' health regimen he was following. Whatever it was, he had looked great! It made this whole 'sudden death' thing… so difficult to comprehend. Peering around the gloomy vestibule I observed a figure at the far end of the room hunched over a desk and not exactly sure of where I had to go, I tip-toed across the highly polished marble flooring (not an easy task in stiletto heels). The name on the desk read 'Funeral Director'. Not wishing to startle him, I cleared my throat (not a loud hacking sound or anything) just more of a 'ahem'… before asking if he could help me locate the party I was in 'quest' of. I gave him the name of the 'deceased' (first name only the last having totally escaped me). He exhibited a melancholy smile, and pointed back across the room to the 'guest' book resting atop a beautifully carved ornate table. I signed my name under the previous guest and was then uncertain as to which room I should enter. Suddenly I heard the music, the distinct sound of the funeral 'dirge' emitting from the room to my left "oh how perfect right on time"!
Pushing the door slightly ajar I peaked inside, an assemblage of people greeted me. Family, friends and acquaintances filling every pew. The room completely full. Feeling like I was on an 'undercover mission' I quietly eased myself through the doorway and found a seat a few rows in betwixt an older man and a buxom blond. Smiling good naturedly at both, (the buxom blond did not appear to appreciate my late arrival) I turned my attention towards the lectern. I listened intently, as one invitee after another addressed the mournful room sharing some recollection or waggish memory of times past.
Half way through a family members 'flashback' story, I glanced around at the myriad of heads hoping to recognize at least one family member, familiar hairstyle or nose job etc… No such luck! After what appeared to be an infinite amount of time the reminiscing concluded with the heterogeneous group turning and embracing one another. Inspired by such display of emotion, I impulsively followed suit hugging and kissing complete strangers, it feeling inexplicably appropriate! One by one a steady line of sorrow filled grievers approached the two young men standing by the casket. Wow! I didn't even realize that 'Jack' had been in the military let alone had two younger brothers, how bad was I! It was my turn to pay my respects and suddenly caught up in the enthusiastic fervor of the moment, I clasped these two grief stricken young men in a cinching bear-hug, so tight that you could hear their intake of breath whoosh down my ear. Moments later, not wanting to let go but feeling I ought (people were starting to stare) I kissed them both offering the 'usual' deepest condolences. It was then that I received the text message. It read, "Where are you? Why are you so late? Hurry up the service is about to begin!" Oh my gosh! I was overcome by sudden intuitive perception. Oh my goodness! I had done the unthinkable, I had 'gate crashed' a funeral… I was a funeral crasher!!
Uncomfortably self-conscious, and totally abashed at my embarrassing social blunder, I gave a perfunctory smile accompanied by a 'royal' like wave to the two young men still standing by the coffin. They smiled back (almost certainly in complete bewilderment as to who this cartoon hugging lunatic was!) I made a hasty exit all the while remonstrating myself for my ridiculous faux pas! Outside my brother and his wife awaited me, "So uh who was that? Someone you know? Or is this like a social event for you?" they teased continuing "Hey anyway, if your done with the rehearsal, there's another 'social' going on in the next room. That would be the one that you received the invite to." Ha! ha! Giggling like a couple of two year olds, they sauntered off leaving me to follow behind absolutely mortified at my monumental gaffe.